


first love

by r0wlets



Category: Tales of Rebirth, Tales of Series
Genre: F/F, NSFW, big meaty angst, talesfemslashweek2019
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2020-09-26 12:21:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,159
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20389630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/r0wlets/pseuds/r0wlets
Summary: For a Half there is never such a thing as overcompensation. Oneshot.





	first love

_first love_

Karegia Castle was never a place bound to emotion, good or bad. It was always such a dreary, hollow place, devoid of royal guests nowadays ever since the king was bedridden and ill, presumably in his dying days. Although the royal doctor wouldn’t publicly confirm this, rumors had already spread throughout the castle that his daughter was being prepared to soon take his place. Not that this mattered, however. She was even more devoid of feeling than her father, and Karegia would continue to be run as it was, as would the Royal Shield.

Deep within the castle’s corridors, the Royal Shield spent most of its time, of course, protecting and assisting the royal family with whatever they could possible. Their free time was sparse and usually filled with training. There could be nothing less than the sharpest minds and muscles in the elite force of the military. The Huma were the face of the brains; the Gajuma, the brawns. And anyone else just had to work ten times as hard to catch up to either one of them.

_Half _was not a word ever uttered by them. They were an afterthought, given the brunt of the work and none of the work. Not that it mattered much, considering everyone knew there were only two of them. Upon this rare moment of rest, despite the corridors’ relative emptiness today, Hilda Rhambling felt every eye on her as she strode towards her quarters, her long black hair heavy on her shoulders. She was never alone, yet she always felt alone. Since she was a tool, she shouldn’t have had such a feeling, yet that nagging longing was always there, telling her that perhaps there was something more than a life as a pathetic Half.

It didn’t matter. She swallowed that lump in the back of her throat and unlocked the door to her room, where Militsa was sitting on the bottom bunk. For most of their childhood they had been roommates, but since the older Half’s promotion a few months ago, they had been seeing each other less and less as Militsa had moved out into separate quarters. She looked distant and forlorn as always, absentmindedly tracing her fingers over the sheets. Irritated, Hilda placed a hand on her hip as she walked up to her, inches from her face. “Don’t you have anything better to do on our days off than sit sullenly in my room all day?” she asked.

Militsa looked up at her, shrugged. “I would if you didn’t spend our days off training.”

“It’s better than be locked up in here.”

“Even with me?”

Hilda said nothing as she placed both hands on Militsa’s shoulders and dove straight in for a long, heated kiss. The older woman moaned and pulled her into her lap, their legs tangling together as they leaned against the bed. As Hilda began taking off Militsa’s shirt, she simultaneously admired her lover’s body while feeling so repulsed by her own. After a few seconds she broke off the kiss and bit Militsa’s ear, whispering, “I can’t _stand _it in here”.

“Indulge me, Hilda. Please…”

“You’re the only one who keeps me sane here.”

Slipping off her own dress, she fondled one of Militsa’s breasts, feeling it against her black sports bra. It was small compared to her own breasts but so much more beautiful because they weren’t hers. Militsa moaned, reaching for her horns, but Hilda expertly batted them away. “_Don’t_”.

“Why do you hate them so much?”

“Because I hate myself so much.”

“Hilda…”

“Stop talking.”

The rest of their clothes were shed. Instead of her horns, Militsa went for her ass next instead, eliciting a small moan from her as her ass cheeks were squeezed. All Hilda learned about sex had been from random hookups by men who were interested in an exotic breed such as a Half, but only Militsa ever felt good, ever felt _right_. Perhaps it was because they were of the same kind, but throughout everything, the insults, torment, and intense training, they had never looked at each other with such vulgarity that Hilda had otherwise experienced.

Was it love? Hilda kissed against Militsa’s stomach, making sure to taste every inch of her skin. She didn’t think she could ever feel love, nor did she think she was supposed to. She certainly liked the feeling of being in control, of being in charge as she knew every nook and cranny of her lover’s body. It was how every other man had used her, and now she could follow in their footsteps. But for some reason she could never quite be so forceful with Militsa, so dominating; in fact, it was almost the opposite as she tenderly kissed and bit and breathed in Militsa’s scent.

“I don’t…want to leave you…”

Hilda pressed into her mouth, not wanting to hear any more. They had done this countless times in the past, yet it hurt her every time they did it. This was a feeling separable from anything else she usually did or thought. Whatever it was, love or otherwise, it was drenched in a deep coat of regret, because while although she could withstand being hurt, she didn’t know what she’d do if she ended up hurting Militsa in the end. Sex was something they never talked about except during the act, and sometimes she wondered if her comrade ever had any lingering thoughts afterwards like she did…

They laid across each other against the mattress, panting, loosely holding each other’s hands, dreading when they had to drift back to reality. It was not only a taboo for them to perform this unholy sodomy but for them to exist, the tainted blood of the Half mixed in their veins. They were only tools to be used; if they deviated any more from their hideous lives, would they even have any purpose left? But loathe as she was to admit it, she wanted this to last forever as well, to give into the most basic of human urges while distracting herself from who she was and what she was.

It was the one time she could allow herself to feel so vulnerable.

The one time Militsa had ever said that she loved her, Hilda had struck her so hard that she slammed into the wall and left crying. After that they didn’t see each other for weeks, and every time after that while the sex still felt the same, there was a growing distance between them. Hilda had wanted to believe it was due to the promotion, but she knew better. She knew better, and yet she knew they couldn’t afford being that weak because everyone would exploit that weakness should anyone else find out.

Was it love? Could she be capable of love?

All she could do was squeeze her lover’s hand. She shut her eyes; she didn’t want to know the answer to that.


End file.
